


Eggs for the Mafia

by Caesura_Selluivan



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Fighting, I Will Go Down With This Ship, M/M, a little bit of violence thats a little graphic but its not too bad, dead people that arent important, its the mafia idk how you wouldnt get a little violent, mafia, or do take it seriously, you don't have to take this seriously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-08
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2020-04-23 02:04:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19141381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caesura_Selluivan/pseuds/Caesura_Selluivan
Summary: Well, making breakfast for the mafia isn't the brightest idea Gilbert's ever had, but he supposes he's had worse.Misc. translations at the end notes, although it's not necessary to actually read them really.





	Eggs for the Mafia

 

 

Gilbert hummed to himself as he slid the card key through the scanner, granting him passage to the tall, fancy apartment building. He followed the already familiar route up the elevator twenty-seven floors, taking a left and arriving at the last door on the right.

 

“ _Maji ore-sama megumare..._ I didn't leave the door ope-” He pushed the door, currently ajar, open a ways, his thoughts being suddenly cut off by a loud _BANG!_ He instinctively knelt against the door for cover, dropping the bags from the supermarket he was carrying. The first thing he was able to see from his vantage point was Flavio, his one hand on the back of the couch, supporting his vault over it, his other hand with a finger on the trigger. Gilbert heard the sound of two silenced guns a split second before seeing two stray bullets crack into the brick of the fireplace.

 

“Oh _scheisse_ -” Gilbert stared, wide-eyed at the situation in front of him. Flavio looked over, startled.

 

“Oh, welcome back _miele,_ ” he shouted over the two men screaming at him in Italian. Another shot and one of the two men was on the floor, screaming in pain. Flavio swiftly retrieved a hidden knife from under the coffee table, throwing it with his free hand and using the distraction to make another shot.

 

“What the hell is all this?” Gilbert almost laughed. He was confused. And scared (not that he would ever be scared. It was just a figure of speech). But it was also somewhat of a funny situation to be in after only knowing someone for two days. The Italian laughed, taking another knife and running out from behind the couch to rush the remaining would-be assassin. With a quick slice up his arm to disarm him and another to slit his throat, he lay on the floor, motionless. The other man, still alive at this point, screamed hysterically as Flavio walked over to him.

 

“It's fine, this happens from time to time,” he responded coolly.

 

“ _Non te ne andrai via con questo! Non puoi continuare a correre!_ ” His hand clutching against his wounded side, he screamed mercilessly in a language Gilbert couldn't understand.

 

“ _Divertente. Questo è quello che hanno detto gli ultimi ragazzi._ ” Flavio's smooth voice lilted in a playful tone as he pointed his gun at the man on the ground, speaking in more demanding rapid-fire Italian.

 

“ _Non otterrai niente da me!_ ” The man screamed one last time, biting down hard as his mouth filled with foam and his body spasmed one last time before he lay, twitching on the ground.

 

“ _Mio Dio_ , why do they _always_ do that?” The Italian sighed, locking his gun and setting it on the counter.

 

“Uhhh...Sorry to interrupt, but is it okay to come in?” Gilbert made a face at the bodies lying mangled on the floor, coming in despite not being given an answer.

 

“You're not going to like, kill me or anything because I saw this right?” He laughed in an attempt to hide his nervousness.

 

“Oh it's fine, you wouldn't tell anyone anyways. I trust you.” Flavio shot him an endearing smile and began dragging the bodies over to the laundry chute.

 

“Ah. Okay. So. Uhm. I'm just...Breakfast, _ja_.” He retrieved the bags and took them to the kitchen, mild alarm slowly melting into minor confusion.

 

“So are you, like...part of the mafia, orrrr?”

 

“Hm? Oh well, not really. I do work for them from time to time but I don't really consider myself a part of their group.” He talked as if this were a normal everyday conversation, about the weather or new clothes or something. Kind of terrifying, really.

 

“Well shit, okay. Can I borrow your phone for a sec?” He retrieved the white and pink glittery phone from the counter and dialed. His own phone was, as usual, dead as a doornail and unable to make calls.

 

“Yoo, Roddy, it's me, the most awesomest Gilbert. I have an important question for you.” He watched cautiously as the Italian made no move to stop him, even seeming to enjoy his conversation.

 

_“I'm going to hang up.”_

 

“Wait, wait, don't hang up it's important! Okay so, what would you do if you found out Hungary was part of the mafia?”

 

_“I'm really going to hang up now.”_

 

“Seriously, just answer the question.”

 

_“...........Gilbert...are you asking for a specific reason? Is there something you are not telling me? ...do you need help?”_

 

“Whaaaat _nein_ , I'm asking for a friend. Who I just found out is part of the-” _BANG._ Prussia froze in place as the cupboard behind him split down the center from the force of the bullet.

 

“... _Drama_ club. Who are doing a _mafia_ play.”

 

 _“Gilbert, was that a gun shot?_ _Bist du in ordnung? Oh Gott please tell me this is a joke, do you-”_

 

“Haha, me? No I'm good. Totally fine. Awesome as always. Kay thanks for the chat gotta go.”

 

 _“Wait! Gilber-”_ _click._

 

“What happened to 'I trust you not to tell anyone'?” Gilbert glanced back towards the cupboard cautiously.

 

“Well if you're going to do it right in front of me I don't really have a choice.” He smiled sweetly, gun still aimed dangerously close to the German. _Oh shit I'm going to die,_ was one of only two thoughts going through Gilbert's mind at this time, the other one being _I totally forgot to get the beer on the way here, what the hell, me._

 

“I'm going to start making breakfast, then.” He hesitated to turn away from the blond but figured not making it awkward was the best route for now. He proceeded to make breakfast, occasionally glancing over to the Italian as he worked.

 

“Wait so are you just gonna, throw their bodies away along with their wallets and valuables and stuff?” He questioned as he watched the other cleaning up bloodstains on the tile.

 

“ _Sì._ I don't really have a reason to take their money right now anyways.”

 

“That's such a waste, _mein gott_ , why don't you like, take their cash at least?”  
  
“You're welcome to do so if you need it?”  
  


“I didn't kill the dude, and I'm not part of the mafia!”

 

“I already told you neither am I. And you could still take their money, say you found it on the ground or something.” Flavio mused, a smile gracing his lips.

 

“Ew, no, that wouldn't really make me feel very good.” He made a face, causing Flavio to laugh at his odd standards.

 

“Okay how about you take his money, and you take me out to dinner with that money, then we put it to use and we're _both_ happy.” Gilbert grinned over at him, his brilliant plan sure to work.

 

“ _Va bene, bello.”_ The Italian winked at him.

 

“Uhh..what?”

 

“It just means your idea is wonderful and I wish I had thought of it. And a 'yes'.”

 

“Okay great. I should call _mein bruder_ and let him know I'm spending the evening.” But, as he seems to have forgotten, his phone was dead, and he still could not make a call. Flavio was nice enough to offer his phone again.

 

“Oh you have Feliciano as a contact, I didn't know you guys knew each other. I'll just call him instead,” the truth of the matter being that Gilbert did not remember his own house number, due to having few friends and rarely ever giving it out.

 

-Somewhere in the middle of a dangerous city, in a cute pink and blue checked cafe on the corner of _Viale Massacro_ and _Via Coltello Appeso_ -

 

“Ve~ We've been looking for so long and even ran into Luciano, _così spaventoso_.” Feliciano made a sad face at his sandwich. Kiku nodded in agreement.

 

“I wanted to think Roderich was just being fussy again over something small but I'm starting to believe what he said might have some truth to it.” Ludwig sighed, calling his brother in vain once again.

 

“Don't worry, you two. I'm sure we'll find him, we have only been searching for a twenty minutes so far.” Kiku offered, in hopes of encouraging the other two.

 

“What!? Only twenty minutes, it feels like we've been walking for hours...!” Feliciano melted into the table booth, enjoying his sandwich despite his complaining.

 

“ _Ja_. And the reason we are sitting in a cafe instead of looking right now, is because _you_ are hungry again after eating half an hour ago.” Ludwig reminded the Italian, the group's attention being drawn to the phone vibrating on the table.

 

“Oh! That's mine~” Feliciano answered his phone with a happy _ciao._

 

“Ah! Gilbert! It's you!” He nodded happily, making noises of agreement towards the phone. His two companions stared in shock for a moment before both startling at once.

 

“Feliciano-san! He is okay!?”

 

“Where is he now!? What's going on!?”

 

The Italian had a minor panic attack at the sudden action everywhere before making a face at the phone.

 

“Uhm, Luddy wants to talk to you so I'm going to hand the phone over to him now~” He handed the phone to Ludwig, watching his brows furrow further in distress as he answered it.

 

“Gilbert, where are you? Roderich is worried you've been taken hostage by the mafia or something, and we couldn't find you and-”

 

 _“Pfff, I haven't been taken hostage by the mafia, I'm just making_ eggs _for the mafia. He needs to stop getting his lacy patched up pantaloons in such a twist.”_ He answered rather matter-of-factly. Ludwig didn't know whether to take him seriously or not. He sounded fine, but on the other hand, it was hard to tell with Gilbert, even having known him their whole lives.

 

“...You're...Making eggs...For the mafia?” He questioned hesitantly.

 

 _“_ Ja. _He doesn't have time to cook today so I volunteered to make breakfast. Don't worry so much, it's the awesome me you're talking to! Mein little bruder is so worried about nothing~”_

 

“I...see...Whose phone are you using, speaking of?” He realized Gilbert's was definitely dead, and whoever it was had Feliciano's contact number. Francois or Antonio's perhaps? Feliciano raised his hand suddenly.

 

“ _Sì! Sì!_ That's big brother Flavio's phone~!” The Italian chimed in. Ludwig realised he had made the mistake of not believing his brother's words as he connected the dots. The strange blonde Italian that hung around Feliciano a lot, his dangerous-seeming brother that was even at the place they looked earlier...

 

“ _A friend I met a couple days ago, I just found out he knows Feliciano, too! Anyways, breakfast is getting cold so I'll talk to you later, West!_ _Tschüss.” Click._

 

Kiku looked utterly confused about the whole situation. Ludwig was mildly confused, concerned and worried. Feliciano had already taken to flirting with the waitress only to get politely turned down since she had a boyfriend. He was now slightly sad. Flavio and Gilbert both had a date for tonight, and as such were having a pretty good day so far. All was well in the world(?)

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> "Maji ore-sama megumare" - Part of one of Prussia's character songs. (I'm seriously awesome and fortunate etc)
> 
> "Scheisse" - Shit
> 
> "Miele" - Honey
> 
> "Non te ne andrai via con questo! Non puoi continuare a correre!" - You won't get away with this! You can't keep running forever!"
> 
> "Divertente. Questo è quello che hanno detto gli ultimi ragazzi." - Funny. That's what the last of your boys said.
> 
> "Non otterrai niente da me!" - I won't tell you anything!
> 
> "Mio Dio" - My God
> 
> "Ja" - Yes
> 
> "Nein" - No
> 
> "Bist du in ordnung?" - Are you okay?
> 
> "Gott" - God
> 
> "Sì" - Yes
> 
> "Mein Gott" - My God
> 
> "Va bene, bello" - Okay, handsome
> 
> "Mein bruder" - My brother
> 
> "Viale Massacro" - Bloodshed Avenue
> 
> "Via Coltello Appeso" - Hanging Knife Street
> 
> "Così spaventoso" - So scary
> 
> "Tschüss" - Bye


End file.
